Raising an independent child goes against traditional parenting wisdom and promotes a more harmonious and loving relationship between parents and children.
When parents are asked what qualities they want to see in their children, independence and responsibility are at the top of the list.
However, most parents are unaware that in order to raise children with these traits, they must go against accepted wisdom about parenting.
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Children become shy, insecure, and unable to think for themselves when they are forced to obey, punished for misbehaviour, or forced to step outside of their comfort zone.
Contrary to popular belief, children who are encouraged, heard, and allowed to express and be themselves as much as possible are more likely to grow up to be independent.
These parenting methods frequently result in children behaving better and a stronger, more tranquil relationship between their parents.
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To raise independent children, consider the following strategies:
Putting the Family First (Raising Independent Child)
Every family member contributes significantly to the smooth operation of the household.
In order for our children to become autonomous adults, they will require a certain set of fundamental abilities. Kids may save time and money by learning life skills today, such as how to make healthful meals, change a baby sister’s nappy and clean the house.
When we ask children to participate in age-appropriate ways, whether it’s picking up their toys or folding their laundry, they come to understand how important they are to the family team. This increases their self-assurance and motivates them to offer even more assistance!
Labelling these responsibilities as “Family Contributions” also helps because “chores” is more commonly associated with tedious, unpleasant, and grudging work. Additionally, by using different words, we emphasise that our kids’ contributions serve a bigger purpose.
Kids who are skilled at finishing tasks will be specialists in home economics when they are on their own. After all, maintaining a restroom isn’t a skill that comes naturally to us. Cooking a nutritious, unpackaged meal is also not. It’s a skill that must be developed via practise.
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In addition, even if we want our children to excel in school and at work, let’s face it: if their homes are squalor and they can’t even make a pancake, they are at a disadvantage.
The sooner children share in some of the responsibilities of a day, the better for everyone.
Promote Effort While Also Celebrating Failure!
that ideal of perfection? It is overdone and greatly increases children’s worry. Some children refuse to try because they are so paralysed by their dread of failing.
Consider how this would operate in the real world, where your child would need to take risks. They’ll need to be ready for failure and ready to learn from it whether they’re submitting college applications, going through job interviews, or putting in a bid for their very first house.
Focus on the calibre of your children’s EFFORT when they are still living under your roof in order to assist them in overcoming this when they are independent adults.
If your son put a lot of effort into his biology study and still received a C, it is his effort that counts. Even if your potty-training kid was late getting to the bathroom, it’s still admirable that she took steps in the right direction.
To nurture children’s sense of independence without placing any pressure on them to perform perfectly or succeed, we can also put the emphasis on efforts by encouraging children to try new things, step outside of their comfort zones, and be creative. The goal of encouragement is never the outcome. Instead, it values the method.
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When we put a lot of emphasis on the bravery and hard work of our children, particularly in the form of their readiness to take risks, they will be less afraid to work hard and take risks in the future. Ideally, they’ll learn that failure isn’t really the point and that they shouldn’t even be afraid of it. They will only remain independent via effort.
If Your Children Can Take Care Of Themselves, Don’t Do It For Them.
It starts by merely providing assistance. Perhaps it’s doing their maths homework, pouring milk or tying their shoes. then we continue to assist.
Soon, they either don’t think they can do it themselves or think they need our assistance.
Helping our children is, in large part, part of our job description. We are expected to assist young children in zipping up their winter coats and lead drowsy children to their cosy beds. Teenagers who are still learning how to make responsible decisions should be subject to curfews.
Children become even more dependent on us when we repeatedly do for them what they are capable of doing for themselves.
Our main responsibility as parents, according to Adlerian Psychology, which forms the foundation of effective parenting, is to help our children transition from total reliance to total independence. If we don’t, we impede their development (and complicate our lives).
It’s so alluring to do things for our children, either out of kindness or simply to complete the chore more quickly. However, the best piece of advise I can give you is to fight the impulse and promote independence.
The demands of a dependent youngster are high. Only when we deny them the chance to assume responsibility do they start acting irresponsibly. — Margaret Goldman and Rudolf Dreikurs.
Show Children The Value Of Money Management (Raising Independent Child)
Buy a piggy bank and start your children off on the right financial footing. Help them save for something they really want, but ultimately leave it up to them. If they spend their hard-earned money irresponsibly, they will discover this the hard way. My kids alternate between blowing their money on Hot Wheels and setting money aside for bigger purchases like an iPod. CLICK HERE For money management Tips.
Do Not Overcorrect. (Raising Independent Child)
Avoid correcting your child while they are trying to do something on their own as much as you can. For instance, if you ask your child to make their bed and it isn’t perfect, resist the impulse to make the necessary corrections (I know, it’s difficult!). Remember that you’re not aiming for perfection at all times. Allowing your child to handle the responsibilities is the aim. If they believe they are not performing to your standards every time they try, they won’t want to keep trying.
Final Remarks
When our children need us, it feels good to us as parents—great even. We appreciate it when they seek our advice, love, or even just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
You will always be needed in some way by your children, so don’t worry.
However, we must constantly remind ourselves that our long-term parental objective is to help our children transition from being completely dependent on us to becoming independent thinkers and doers. And it won’t be finished in one day.
At first, it could seem a little frightening to encourage children to be active participants in their daily life. But trust me when I say that fostering your children’s independence is a gift that keeps on giving.
I can’t guarantee that you won’t weep your eyes out when your daughter picks an out-of-state college or that you won’t break down after sending your recruit off to boot camp. When you send your kids out into the “real world,” you will lose a piece of your heart.
However, knowing that you helped them become self-reliant will allow you the courage and resolve to let them go…and win.
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